This is a punny post...

Look for the challenge question in P. 119

Here is an interesting Sutton website. Don't know if they are connected to us. I looked around a little and then needed to get back to work so I am posting it for you to enjoy.

http://www.suttonfamilyhome.net/

::::::> Punny Part:

*Message left on an answering machine: Don't panic but I'm in hospital. I have poisoned myself. I ate what I thought was an onion. Turned out it was a daffodil bulb. Doctor says I'll be out in the spring!

*I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet…he said "postage dew".

*I know some people can tell time by the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers.

Ø If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Ø Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
Ø If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

P.121 Pushing the envelope!

When I was young I dreamed of being a test pilot. Flying
higher, faster, farther. Risking my life for the science of
aviation. But when I grew up I found out I wasn't qualified
because of my poor eyesight. Now I work in a post office
which gives me many of the same thrills.

I'm always pushing the envelope!

P.120 Red, white and together

* A plateau is a high form of flattery.

* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

*A man entered the local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different entries, hoping that at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, NO PUN IN TEN DID. :)

P.119 PIPE DOWN out there!

* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground

P.117 Yellow, I say.

The math teacher was hungry, but all she had to eat was a piece of pi.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

P.116 Red, I said. (and math teacher puns)

Math teachers have lots of answers.
He became a math teacher due to some prime factors.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

P.115 It's time. Let's Roll. (or, Have Pun. Will Travel.)

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

P.114 Making the world a better place:

Making the world a better place: commit random acts of comedy.. Partial video title by Michael Pritchard

P.113 Coming through

l

Why is everyone so cranky?: Life is not a duress rehearsal. Video title by Leaslie Charles

P.112 Step aside. Color coordinated creation coming through!

"A smile is contagious; be a carrier."

P.111 Fashon is my game.

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Old Jeb is the laziest man in the county. One day his best friend drove by his farm and noticed his barn was on fire. "Your barn's burning down," he yelled.
"I know it," replied Jeb.
"Well, ain't ya gonna do somethin'?" asked the friend.
"Do somethin'?" responded Jeb. "'Bout what?"
"Why about puttin' out the fire, ya durn fool." answered the friend.
"I am doin' somethin'." replied Jeb.
"What the heck are you doin', jist sittin' there 'n all?" asked Jeb's friend.
"I ain't jist sittin'," replied Jeb, "I'm sittin' here prayin' for rain."

P.110 I have fingers growing from my head. I think you do too.

In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor. One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe nonlinear waterfowl issue."
Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"

The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."

P.109 She was the flying queen....

* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

P.108 Fast and green....

P.107 Time Warp! See me warping throught 2007.

A pun a day helps me become a better humor being
Two cannon balls got married and had BBs.

P.106 I am bright and on the move!

Making the world a better place: commit random acts of comedy.. Partial video title by Michael Pritchard

P.105 Staffing the check-in area

She said, "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

P.104 Say....

I love having my picture taken!
***Here is a challenge for you: Who..... is getting their picture taken? I have you this time: no shoes, shirts.. nothing. Ha!

P.103 Lunch

P.102 Got to catch a plane

P.101 Chief Pilot

One airplane owner / operator outflew the rest of us by many feet.

P.100 Saddle up!

Today's Illustration - "Forgiveness"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
------
I recently overheard a boss talking to one of his employees at a restaurant recently. "Was your wife mad when you got home so late last night?" the boss asked.
"Yes, she was plumb historical," the employee replied.
"Don't you mean hysterical?"
"No, I mean historical. She brought up things that happened forty years ago."
-------
I listened to an intervew 2 nights ago and the author said in his book that we should as managers (parents could try this too): "Help more. Judge less."

P.99 I am gifted...

Puzzling Questions
You never see the headline '' PSYCHIC WINS LOTTERY ''
Why you have to click on 'start' to STOP windows?
Why they are called 'apartments ' when they are all stuck together?

P.98 At the auction, you get more than money can buy.

Puzzling Questions

Why they state the obvious labels on items;
On packets of peanuts-' warning, may contain nuts'
On nytol sleep aid-'may cause drowsiness'!
On Boots CHILDRENS' cough medicine-'Do not drive……'

P.97 The gift of music...

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

P.96 Music to sooth the reunion beasts

It must have worked. I saw no unsoothed beasts.Here are some cool football jokes as we move into the season.

Q. what is the best way to stay cool at a football game? A. Stand next to a fan.
Q. Why did the football coach go the the bank? A. To get his quarter back.

P.95 Maybe I would like that....

Q. What do you get when you cross a lollipop with a rabbit? A. A sucker's born every minute.
Q. Why should you never marry a tennis player? A. Love means nothing to them.
Q. Did you hear about the man who ran through a screen door? A. He strained himself!

P.94 "Singing is good for a man," she said, "It is the only way they can complete a thought."

Serious note. OK I am 8 and love puns, but I did find a serious person and they had a thought I want to pass along.
Are you ready?

Galileo Galilei, the father of father of modern observational astronomy, modern physics and the "father of science," said

"You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself."

Now a lot of women omit the second sentence.

….and men misuse it saying that they are looking for discovery in their golf bag.

However used and abused taken as a whole thought (some women doubt men can do this, but assuming it is possible) there is a lot of truth in the statement.

P.93 Round and round....

* When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

P.92 See what I got...

Responses to questions on 5th and 6th grade science tests:
*The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
*To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
*Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

P.91 You can do that! Impressive.

Dad says "Where there is a will there is a way."
Julia says "Where there is a will, I want to be in it."

P.90 Roy has some good advice.

Roy says: Remember that the early bird gets the worm. If you don't like worms, get up a little later and have eggs and toast. :)

Roy has some questions for you. Answer in the comments if you have a pithy comment.

--Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

--Do coffins have a lifetime guarantee?

P.89 Looking at the roots of the family tree

So, you were observant. Who is the person with the purple shirt?

Odd facts that are a little difficult to confirm but fun to ponder.
*A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

--A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

*An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
--An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain

P.88 I am keeping my eye on you...

With my other eye I counted the dimples on the golf ball as it flew by.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

P.87 Vroooooommmmm!!

The smaller the car the more fun it is....

English oddities: * We must polish the Polish furniture. * He could lead if he would get the leadout. * A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. * When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. * A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. * I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

P.86 You look a little off center to me but we still love U.

We know you are a little tilted, but can you name these girls? Answer in the comments- first names. Winner will be named the most level-headed in the whole family for a day, that day, the day of the winning post. And we promise you will not be an English oddity.

English Oddities:
*The bandage was wound around the wound.
*The dump was so full tht it had to refuse more refuse.

P.85 I see stars...

Who are the 4 girls? Enter your first name answers in the comments. First correct answer will be the quickest Sutton on Earth for the day.

P.84 Pondering....

I am pondering a great question while the adults just talk. I sure hope I don't grow up and just talk. To help scroll down to help.






Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "Quick"?

P.83 Chandra & Twandah. Which is it, she wonders,

Does the crew have a slim or fat chance of landing disabled the plane?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.82 Twanda , My feet don't smell but my nose does run sometimes.

Challenge: arrange from oldest to youngest: Julia, Twanda, Elizabeth.
PS. Jessie is totally disqualified from this contest for a week to give others who do not have the family history, birth dates, and so on memorised. I am counting on someone to come through in less than a week.

The winning entry will be crowned healthiest Maud Sutton descendant for a day. In addition your feet don't smell and your nose will not run.

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

P.81 Joe and Jonathan

Try this: put in order of oldest to yongest these 3: Dee Jay, Lonzo, Earl. Enter your answer in the comments section. The person with the first correct answer will be considered the smartest person in the entire family for the day the post is entered.

And during your day as smartest, answer this:

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

P.80 Checking in...in English: it is harder than you think

Amazingly we all understood each other despite ENGLISH.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

79A John at High School Graduation

John was not at the reunion, but we are putting his picture up anyway. Jacquie and Julia are talking to him with their backs to the camera.

Any other Graduates? Send Pictures. Got college pictures? I will post them.

--Can atheists get life insurance for acts of God?

P.79 Dwaine & Jessie

We think them for family history and auctions.

Challenge. Answer in the comments. Put in order of oldest to youngest: Lonzo, George, Allie, Earl, Alta Mae. The winning post (first correct post) will be declared the best dancer of all the desendants of Lesley Sutton for that day.

PS. Our friend Jessie should refrain for a couple of days. Give us a chance.

Some basic English oddities:
* A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
* When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
* I did not object to the object.
* The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
* There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
* They were too close to the door to close it.
* The buck does funny things when the does are present.
* A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

P.77 Alice

Challenge: Put from oldest to youngest: George, Allie Marie, Earl
Enter your answer in the comments section. The first correct answer will be declared the smartest person in the family for that day.

I am addicted to plecebos. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

P.118 Blue and white... that's my type

*Gravity gets me down
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

P.78 Wilda's observation

---->Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

P.76 We were blessed with good auction help.

My wife recently came home from the reunion with an escalator. She'll buy anything marked down!

Pet Store sign: "Buy one, get one flea."